Conversation Planner · for managers
How to talk to an employee who undermines you
Read the approach below, or skip ahead and get a plan written for your own situation.
Plan my conversation — free ↓Why the usual approach fails
It feels personal, so managers either retaliate or stew. Both make it worse. Most undermining comes from someone who disagreed, didn't feel heard, and found another outlet. Treat it as a broken disagreement process and you can fix it without a power struggle.
How to open
"I want to talk about how you and I handle disagreement. On Wednesday, after we'd agreed the rollout plan, you told the team it wouldn't work. I'd much rather have had that argument with you beforehand."
Ask before you tell
- "What did you disagree with that you didn't feel you could say to me?"
- "What happens when you do raise concerns with me?"
- "How should we disagree, so it's useful rather than public?"
What to agree before you leave the room
The rule both ways: disagree with you first and in private, and you commit to genuinely hearing it before deciding.
Make it yours — free
Edit the details below to match your situation and get a full five-step COACH plan by email.
Other conversations
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Built on the COACH method by Jon Kludt, Business Coach · Certified EOS Implementer® · thecoachconversation.com