Coaching Conversation Examples: 4 Word-for-Word Scripts for Managers

Most advice about coaching conversations stays abstract. “Ask open questions.” “Listen more than you talk.” “Agree on next steps.” All true, and none of it tells you what to actually say when the person across the table crosses their arms.

So this article is mostly examples. Four common situations, each walked through with the words a manager can use at every step. The people and details are illustrative, but the situations are the ones managers ask about most. Use the words as a starting point, and keep the pattern.

The pattern behind every example

Each example follows the same five steps, the COACH conversation:

1. Come Prepared — pick one observable behavior and know what good looks like.
2. Open — make it safe: lead with a genuine strength, frame it as growth, and name the one topic.
3. Ask — hear their view before you give yours.
4. Confirm — agree on one change and a standard you can both see, in their words.
5. Hardwire — set a plan, the support they need, and a check-in date.

The step most managers skip is Ask. They open, then go straight to the solution. The examples below show what happens when you don’t skip it: the real cause usually turns out to be something you’d never have guessed.

Example 1: The employee who keeps missing deadlines

Come Prepared. The behavior: three deliverables in the last month arrived after the agreed date, and each time the manager found out on the day. What good looks like: work lands on the date, or the manager hears about a slip at least two days before.

Open.

“Your work is consistently some of the most careful on the team, and clients notice it. There’s one thing I’d like us to work on: three times this month a deliverable arrived after the date we set, and I only heard on the day. Can we talk about what’s going on?”

Ask.

“Walk me through the last one. Where did the time go?” “How early could you see it was going to be tight?” “What stopped you from flagging it then?”

What came out: the employee was waiting on another team for inputs and didn’t want to look like they were making excuses, so they said nothing and worked late instead.

Confirm.

“So in your words, what will you do the next time a date is at risk, and how early will I hear about it?”

The agreement, in the employee’s words: “If I’m waiting on anyone or it’s looking tight, I’ll tell you as soon as I know — at least two days before the date.”

Hardwire.

“I’ll raise the input delays with their manager this week. Let’s look at how the next two deadlines went at our one-on-one on the 24th.”

Notice what didn’t happen: no lecture about time management. The problem was a silence habit, not a skills gap, and the manager only found that out by asking.

Example 2: The employee who gets defensive

Come Prepared. The behavior: when the manager raises an error in a client report, the employee explains why it wasn’t their fault before the manager finishes the sentence. What good looks like: the employee can hear feedback through to the end, then respond.

Open.

“You care a lot about getting things right, and I value that. I’d like to talk about how we handle problems when they come up. Lately, when I raise one, we end up on whose fault it was and never get to fixing it. Is it OK if we talk about that?”

Ask.

“How do these conversations feel from your side?” “When I bring up a mistake, what do you hear me saying?” “What would make it easier to talk about problems without it feeling like blame?”

What came out: a previous manager used every mistake as evidence in a performance review. The employee was protecting themselves, not resisting the feedback.

Confirm.

“Here’s my half: when I bring up a problem, I’ll start with what I saw and ask for your view first. What would you be willing to try on your side?”

The agreement, in the employee’s words: “I’ll hear you out to the end before I explain, and then we talk about the fix.”

Hardwire.

“Let’s check in on how this is going in two weeks. If I slip into blame mode, tell me.”

The manager changed something too. A coaching conversation is a two-way agreement, and an employee who’s been burned before needs to see the manager keep their half.

Example 3: The disengaged team member

Come Prepared. The behavior: a once-active contributor has stopped speaking in team meetings and hasn’t volunteered for a project in two months. What good looks like: one contribution per weekly meeting, and raising a hand for work that interests them. (Note: “disengaged” is a label, not a behavior. Coaching works on what you can see.)

Open.

“Some of the best ideas this team has run with came from you — the onboarding checklist was yours. I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter in meetings the last couple of months, and I’d like to understand what’s changed. Can we talk about it?”

Ask.

“How are you feeling about your work right now?” “What part of the job do you enjoy most these days — and least?” “Is there anything getting in the way that I don’t know about?”

What came out: the employee felt their last two ideas were ignored, and decided it wasn’t worth speaking up anymore.

Confirm.

“That’s fair, and I’m glad you told me. From now on I’ll answer every idea in the meeting — yes, no, or not yet, with a reason. What would you like to commit to on your side?”

The agreement, in the employee’s words: “I’ll bring one idea to each of the next two team meetings.”

Hardwire.

“Let’s talk again on Friday after next and see whether it feels different.”

If the manager had opened with “I need you to be more engaged,” they’d never have heard about the ignored ideas, and the quiet would have continued.

Example 4: The top performer you might lose

Come Prepared. The behavior: the team’s strongest performer has started declining stretch assignments and recently updated their LinkedIn profile. What good looks like here isn’t a performance fix. It’s knowing what they want next and whether you can offer it.

Open.

“You’re one of the strongest people on this team, and I don’t say that enough. I want to make sure this role is still working for you, so I’d like to talk about what you want next.”

Ask.

“What would make the next year here feel like a step forward?” “What part of your work would you drop tomorrow if you could?” “Is anything making you think about other options?”

What came out: they want to lead a project, not just deliver on one, and assumed there was no path to that.

Confirm.

“What if you owned the planning for the Q1 rollout, with me as backup rather than lead? Tell me in your words what you’d take on, and what ‘it went well’ would look like in March.”

The agreement, in the employee’s words: “I own the rollout plan and run the weekly check-ins. Success is launching on the date with no surprises for the sales team.” The manager’s half: share the budget and timeline this week.

Hardwire.

“Let’s review how it’s going at our first one-on-one in January, and talk then about what comes after.”

Coaching conversations aren’t only for problems. The same five steps work for growth conversations, and those are the ones that keep good people.

What the examples have in common

• One behavior per conversation. Every example names a single, observable thing. “Be more proactive” isn’t something a person can act on.
• The opening starts with a genuine strength, not a sandwich. One true, specific thing they do well, then the one topic. No vague praise, and no burying the point.
• The manager asks before telling. In all four examples, the real cause only surfaced in the Ask step. Skip it and you fix the wrong problem.
• The agreement is in their words, and specific enough to check. When they say it, they own it. “At least two days before” and “one idea per meeting” can be checked. “Try harder” can’t.
• There’s a date. Without a check-in, even a great conversation fades in a week.

Turn your situation into a script

These examples work because they’re specific. Yours will be too. If you have a conversation coming up, the free Conversation Planner does this for your situation: describe the person and the behavior, and it writes your opening line, the questions to ask, and what to agree before you leave the room. The plan is emailed to you so you have it before the conversation.

For forty common situations, each with an opening line, questions to ask, and what to agree, browse the situation guides.

And if you want the full system — word-for-word scripts, question banks for every step, and the COACH Certified™ Manager credential — the COACH Kit is a one-time $99.

Get the COACH Kit →

Related: Difficult Conversation With an Employee · How to Hold Employees Accountable · Manager as Coach